Even if you are not an outdoorsy kind of person, if you are dating over the course of a summer, you are likely to find yourself and your date communing with good old mother nature at some point. Even if roughing it means a cottage with a deck and boathouse rather than a tent on a backpacking trail, you will likely find many romantic moments as you enjoy the invigorating lift that being out in the country gives you. All that fresh air and all those sunsets are natural sexual invigorators – getting her in the intimate frame of mind, and reminding him about the natural side of being alive. The nights will also add their share of enjoyment as you sneak down to the water to skinny-dip under the full moon and the wash of stars in the milky-way. Likely all of these activities will result in 'sex in the wild'. There is however an element of health risk involved, so you should not just do the 'down and dirty' without being prepared. Big city living means that you do not have some of the natural resistance to bacteria that your cave dwelling ancestors did, so you must be more prepared than they were able to be.
Problem: Dirty Sex (And Not “Good” Dirty, Either)
You have to remember that when you’re camping, you’re going to get dirty. All those nature hikes and long walks will cover you in dirt. When you start a fire, you’re going to get covered in ash and grime (at least if you do it like I do). Barbeques will inherently get some sauces and juices on you. And then there are the layers of bug spray and sun block you have on your skin. All together, you’re pretty damn gross by the time you head back to your tent for some “private” times. No woman wants to give oral sex to a gross, dirty penis. And no guy enjoys fondling a boob covered in slimy grime. The thrill will fade quickly.
Solution: Hit the Showers
This is almost a catch 22 issue. If you’re in a national park, go for a walk to the shower station. Go during off-peak hours when you’ll have some privacy – waiting until all the kids in the park are in bed is the perfect time to go. If you sneak in together, you can have a shower, and then shower sex together (likely though, unless you are in a same sex relationship, one of you will be busting into a facility meant for the opposite sex – maybe three in the morning would be better).
Problem: Being Alone
It doesn’t take an acoustics engineer to realize that the millimeter of nylon that comprises your tent wall won’t do much to keep your sex noises private. And since sound travels so well over water, even people on the other side of the lake will be able to hear what you sound like when you’re trying the Inverted Reverse Pile-driver. Even worse, if you’ve gone camping with friends and their kids, there are going to be a lot of questions in the morning about the strange noises they’ve heard.
Solution: Long Nature Treks
This is likely the least embarrassing and most satisfying solution. It is really a sort of an intimate commune with nature. But first, you need to think about safety. First, watch out for wildlife – especially lions and tigers and bears – OH MY! – just kidding, but there are some animals that you have to consider depending on your region. Many areas have bears, but in the mountain regions, there are some cats that may cause concern. Most other meat eaters tend to shy away from people, but if you are in the deep south, you can run into reptiles that are not so pleasant. Nothing dampens the libido more than running for your life. Second, don’t go at night – finding your way back in the dark when you’re brain has been scrambled by some hot sex is too difficult. Third, bring a blanket. That way, if you accidentally lay down for the hot times on a fire-ant hill, they’ll have a difficult time getting revenge on you while you’re in the middle of you’re sex. Tell other people in your campsite where you will be. Now they can send the rangers for you in case you get all caught up in your escapades and do not get back in time.
Enjoy the Ride!
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