Sex When Camping

Even if you are not an outdoorsy kind of person, if you are dating over the course of a summer, you are likely to find yourself and your date communing with good old mother nature at some point. Even if roughing it means a cottage with a deck and boathouse rather than a tent on a backpacking trail, you will likely find many romantic moments as you enjoy the invigorating lift that being out in the country gives you. All that fresh air and all those sunsets are natural sexual invigorators – getting her in the intimate frame of mind, and reminding him about the natural side of being alive. The nights will also add their share of enjoyment as you sneak down to the water to skinny-dip under the full moon and the wash of stars in the milky-way. Likely all of these activities will result in 'sex in the wild'. There is however an element of health risk involved, so you should not just do the 'down and dirty' without being prepared. Big city living means that you do not have some of the natural resistance to bacteria that your cave dwelling ancestors did, so you must be more prepared than they were able to be.

Problem: Dirty Sex (And Not “Good” Dirty, Either)

You have to remember that when you’re camping, you’re going to get dirty. All those nature hikes and long walks will cover you in dirt. When you start a fire, you’re going to get covered in ash and grime (at least if you do it like I do). Barbeques will inherently get some sauces and juices on you. And then there are the layers of bug spray and sun block you have on your skin. All together, you’re pretty damn gross by the time you head back to your tent for some “private” times. No woman wants to give oral sex to a gross, dirty penis. And no guy enjoys fondling a boob covered in slimy grime. The thrill will fade quickly.

Solution: Hit the Showers

This is almost a catch 22 issue. If you’re in a national park, go for a walk to the shower station. Go during off-peak hours when you’ll have some privacy – waiting until all the kids in the park are in bed is the perfect time to go. If you sneak in together, you can have a shower, and then shower sex together (likely though, unless you are in a same sex relationship, one of you will be busting into a facility meant for the opposite sex – maybe three in the morning would be better).

Problem:  Being Alone

It doesn’t take an acoustics engineer to realize that the millimeter of nylon that comprises your tent wall won’t do much to keep your sex noises private. And since sound travels so well over water, even people on the other side of the lake will be able to hear what you sound like when you’re trying the Inverted Reverse Pile-driver. Even worse, if you’ve gone camping with friends and their kids, there are going to be a lot of questions in the morning about the strange noises they’ve heard.

 Solution: Long Nature Treks

This is likely the least embarrassing and most satisfying solution. It is really a sort of an intimate commune with nature. But first, you need to think about safety. First, watch out for wildlife – especially lions and tigers and bears – OH MY! – just kidding, but there are some animals that you have to consider depending on your region. Many areas have bears, but in the mountain regions, there are some cats that may cause concern. Most other meat eaters tend to shy away from people, but if you are in the deep south, you can run into reptiles that are not so pleasant. Nothing dampens the libido more than running for your life. Second, don’t go at night – finding your way back in the dark when you’re brain has been scrambled by some hot sex is too difficult. Third, bring a blanket. That way, if you accidentally lay down for the hot times on a fire-ant hill, they’ll have a difficult time getting revenge on you while you’re in the middle of you’re sex. Tell other people in your campsite where you will be.  Now they can send the rangers for you in case you get all caught up in your escapades and do not get back in time.

Enjoy the Ride!

Dating Sites

The Dating Canary

A while back, I was having a lot of difficulties getting women to date me. I am a reasonably good looking guy with a steady job. At one point, dating women was not something I ever had a problem with. But after one specific night, I suddenly became a social pariah. And it was only partly my fault.

I have had a few embarrassing events happen in my life but nothing as embarrassing as this sad story that I am about to tell you.

It all started when I was asked to go to a formal dance with some friends of mine. Because of the formal nature of the dance, I was expected to wear dress pants and jacket, as opposed to the more casual attire I usually went clubbing in. The pants I had. I did not have a proper jacket, so I set out to buy one. Not being a fashion mavin I generally just rely on the opinions and suggestions of the store clerks. I explained I needed a jacket to go with my black dress pants. He said I was in luck because they were having a sale on some jackets that they had recently imported from Mexico. I immediately liked the color. I thought that the yellow shade would make me stand out and I was trying to make a positive impression. The material seemed a bit rough, but the price was great so I bought one and proudly carried it home with me.

Later that day, I prepared for my big date. Showered, shaved, combed my hair a new way, and tried some new aftershave that I had bought that day that was supposed to drive women crazy. As I looked in the mirror that night after getting ready for my big date, I truly thought that I looked like a million bucks. And I had pulled out all the stops as well. Shower, shave, new haircut, new aftershave, and the new jacket to top it all off. Unfortunately I did not notice that there was a small thread hanging at the back of the jacket.

I met my buddies at the dance. It was packed with lots of people that I knew and many more that I did not. After a half hour or so my date arrived. Did I mention that my buddies set me up with her? She was in a big hurry to get on the dance floor, and after a very short introduction, she was dragging me out to dance. Things were really looking up. After the first dance, she told me that I had a loose thread on the back of my jacket and said that she would break it off for me.

She started to pull the thread, but instead of breaking, it just kept coming out. It got long enough to reach the floor I remember they were playing a new version of an old standard by Elvis Presley called “All Shook Up”. As the thread fell on the floor, it began to get tangled around several ankles. The faster they danced the more entangled they became. Eventually someone tripped, who knocked down someone else, who fell on a table and upset everything. By the time the smoke cleared, three couples were on the floor along with six upset tables. What a disaster! Of course my good buddies, like the true friends they are, high tailed it out the back door leaving me to face the embarrassment alone.

The owner of the dance club came up to me and said, “What the hell are you trying to do, sabotage my business?” I stood there wishing I could disappear. This is like your worst nightmare, only more so. I think I would have preferred to be standing there stark naked than face that hostility again. The owner slapped a large wad of yellow string into my hands, and told me to take my sack and get out! The only part of my yellow jacket that I was still wearing as I exited into the night was one sleeve. As I headed home, my evening ruined, I took what was left of my new jacket and threw it in a trash can along the way.

So that is my sad story. After that, women in my area would not be caught dead even talking to me. It was so bad that even the local prostitutes turned me down. They said they had an image to maintain!

It was my sister who eventually pointed me in the right direction. She was sick of me moping around by then. She said that there was no way that anyone in the neighborhood would ever date me again (as if I did not know that). She said I would have to either move away, or else try to connect with someone on an online dating site. Moving was out, I just could not afford it. After thinking about my options for about 30 whole nanoseconds, I decided to try a dating site out. I mean, all that could happen is that more women would reject me. At least on an online dating site, they would not know it was me. I picked one at random, but had no luck. So I googled dating, and was overwhelmed at the number of sites. Which one would be the best for me. I tried the top site POF.com – stands for plenty of fish, but I did not have much luck on it.  My sister came to my rescue again and suggested the link that I will share below. It has a big list of quality dating sites to choose from. I signed up to a couple of sites, and finally met someone who can take me for who I am, and not the idiot who bought a cheap jacket once.

So if you are looking for a date, then check out the link below. If it worked for me, then it can work for anyone.

Top Dating Sites

Setting Up a Single Dad

This is the time when many women have been thinking about their parents.

You have likely already made purchases for your parents, but is there something else you could do? 

Lets look outside of your immediate family and broaden your sights to include your immediate circle of friends.

Do you know a single dad that is so devoted to his kids and job that he does not spend much time on his personal life? You know the type. Someone that is only a friend, but is truly a great guy and would be a stellar husband for some lucky female.

So would you like to be play Yenta for him and find him a match?

But you are out of girlfriends, what can you do now?

So how about this as the perfect gift for your friend?

A situation where he can select the next person to go out with!
A gift that gives him an opportunity to communicate with lots of women who may want to be a mother to his children!
How about a way to relieve his loneliness without having to pick up a phone and listen to fake 'sexy women' on some chat line!

All of these issues are addressed by signing him up to an online dating site.

Unfortunately, most men really suck at communicating and expressing their wishes.  They are also not good at letting the great person that they really are show publicly.

Enter you!

The best present for your single male friend would be to purchase him a membership to an online dating site.  For a personal touch, you enter their personal ad for them. Set up the profile, select a few of those great pictures that you have of him enjoying himself with friends, and then write up profile text that would make any woman dash out the door in her hurry to meet this guy.

It takes a woman to understand the needs of, and reach the heart of another woman after all.

Do your friend a favor.

Spend the time to give him the gift of companionship for a lifetime.

It is a gift that keeps giving forever!

For a solid starting point, check out this link for ideas of the best online dating sites to select from:
Online Dating Sites

Can I Find Love Online

     As I took a short cut through the creek behind my house one sunny spring day last year, I was looking at the fallen trees, and the shrubs that some people would argue are flowers, and smelling the water in the creek (that I know comes from the sewers), when a bird crapped on my head. I thought “oh well” just another ordinary day. As I walked along, I came across a buddy of mine that I will call Stinky and please don't ask why I call him that, I think it should not be a mystery to you. As we walked, I told him about the bird, and he replied “quick tell me what tree you were standing under, its good luck”. If I had thought for one minute that it was good luck I would have rolled in it, (as you may have figured Stinky really doesn’t have much of a life, but then again, were two of a kind).

         Our biggest problem is communicating with women. Stinky can usually mouth a few comments, then he has to go away. I’m a little more relaxed since I work with quite a few women anyway. I can usually have  somewhat of a conversation with them before I start to sweat and have any confidence suddenly elude me, then I have to politely excuse myself.

    Stinky feels that women's standards are too high when it comes to dating, however, I beg to differ. I really don't believe for a minute the women suggesting that he  have a shower before picking her up is considered “high slandered”. Stinky  may be the smelliest guy I know, but he is  one of the nicest (nicest not brightest). However, he has been known to come up with good idea's that make  more sense then not, but I'm not sure about this one. “We will join a Dating Site” he cried out. I said before sometimes he comes up with good idea's but this wasn't one of those times. He proceeded to tell me that a friend at work suggested the idea(nice friend). “Is this the same friend that leaves deodorant and body wash on your desk?” I asked. “It sure is! He's a very thoughtful person,” (ya right). Stinky said “My friend met a wonderful women on a dating site,” (what women?? the guy he's talking about  is a homosexual.) “Why would your homosexual friend use a dating site to meet women?” I asked, “I think your getting in over your head”. In the end, and after weeks of hiding from  Stinky and his not so bright idea, I finally decided to give in just to make him happy.

        As I tried to sleep that night, all I could think about was the last date I had, which had not ended under the best of circumstances. I’m sure the woman I'll call (“bottomless pit”), hadn’t eaten in a  few days  prior to our date and she must have thought I owned an oil well or something! After she had gobbled up several hors d'œuvres, as well as several other side dishes, expensive wine and the main course which was a steak dinner, I checked the balance in my bank account, then to my horror she demanded we order desert! “Desert!?” I quickly reminded her that this was not an all you can eat dinner, she then  jumped up called me things I've never heard before and made her way to the door. I ran after her and asked if she would like to see me again, at which time she slugged me with her hand bag (I guess that meant no!). So I went back to the table and sat by myself looking at the bill she had racked up and wondered if I would be able to get some overtime at work next week to pay for it.

        I started to have a lot of doubts about joining a dating site, but since my best friend was very excited about it (and knowing he would do anything for me), I decided to go through with it. It turned out to be the best move that we had ever made. Stinky and I both joined a Dating Site, and it wasn’t long before we had  responses from some beautiful ladies. We were both very nervous and excited to think that we might no longer have to make love to our hand. Stinky asked me “what should I do to get ready?”I said “just get in the shower, turn that water on, use that bar of soap (you only had it for whole year) and scrub your worries  down the drain”, (as well as the dirt and body odor of course).We double dated that evening to  lean on each other, and we had a terrific time. We ate, had some drinks, and danced the night away. Stinky yanked me aside and confided in me, that even though he had just met this women, he knew this was the one. I gave him a bear hug, and said “follow your heart,” and he did. She seemed to take to him as well, surprisingly!

         Well I don't call him Stinky anymore, (no one does now that he has learned  basic  hygiene). He is above all, my best friend. Marcus is still with that wonderful women he met on that dating site. This almost a decade ago now and after dating for some time, they tied the knot. They had two children and are expecting another any time now. As for me, it took a little longer, but I finally found the love of my life, and we are expecting our first child soon. Life is terrific and it keeps getting better!

       Its true what they say, there's somebody for everyone. All you have to do is look in the right place and you'll find them. Some times it just takes someone who cares about you to push you in the right direction . Life is too short and precious to spend it by yourself, wondering what it would be like to have someone to share it with. So if you are interested in making a positive move for the future then take my advice, and get off your ass and go for it.

    Hey, if Stinky and I can do it, so can you! There are so many dating sites out there that you might think you'll never find the right one, but I'll give you a tip, this is the site that me and Stinky used to find the best sites for us and in our opinion its the best place to find dating sites. So if you are tired of being alone and want someone to share your life and love with well just follow this link, you owe it to your future.

Dating Sites